Thursday 27th January 2022

I keep forgetting to blog. I usually post at night, as an end of day thing, but I’ve been quite tired at bedtime lately. I’ve also started reading The Brothers Karamazov, which has diverted my attention from the online world. I’m still ambivalent about it - the online world, I mean. Dostoevsky is wonderful.

Life has been going along in it’s usual rhythm - home, shopping, workouts, meetings etc. I planted garlic and tulips, very late, but they should be ok. I sowed some radish and mooli in the polycrub - hopefully for some future ferments. I have a whole assortment of jars on the dresser now. Yesterday I made some kimchi, which tastes amazing right now, so it’s going to be pretty special in a fortnight’s time. I also made a celeriac kraut, with celeriac that I grew myself! They weren’t very big, but there was enough for a litre jar once they were shredded and pounded down. I also have fermented cranberry relish on the go and today’s experiment was Japanese miso pickles - misozuke - delicious wee flavour bombs.

I went for a swim at the weekend. It was so amazing being in the cold water, and I felt brilliant, but it did take me the rest of the day to feel warm again and even on Sunday I felt a bit chilled. I might leave off for a month or so now, until the temperature creeps up a bit. I only stayed in for 10 minutes. Maybe it was the windchill - I haven’t really mastered the art of getting dressed quickly once I get out.

Not much else to report. I finished the socks - I’m wearing them now, and I’ve cast on another pair. I still have the boy’s jumper on the go too. The snowdrops are out. Think that’s about it.

Hello...

I’ve had a few false starts, trying to get back to blogging - casting off into beautifully calm water, then being forced back by a sudden storm. But now - yes - now, I think I’m ready to set off towards blogland once again.

You see, I had a blog for many years - The Barefoot Crofter. It was a minor success, in that people liked it and left appreciative comments. It started off as a garden progress blog, evolved into home and family, and then documented our move into crofting and island life.

But then, everything changed.

My husband became ill and died within the space of a year. I wrote about this part of our journey too - right to the inevitable end and beyond into those first few months of widowhood. It was incredibly helpful to do this.

In those early months, the blog became a touchstone for me as I thrashed around in the turmoil of grief. Being able to write about the garden, or seasonal recipes was hugely comforting. But soon enough I felt the need to withdraw my energy from it - to focus inwards as I attempted to come to terms with what had happened, and who I even was.

I’m not sure I’m any closer to resolving these issues, three and a half years on, but I’m a lot more comfortable just sitting with the questions.

I thought I was ready to blog again a couple of years ago, and tried to reinstate The Barefoot Crofter. It was no use. Maybe it was too soon, but I just couldn’t reintegrate the widowed me with the woman who wrote that blog. I couldn’t make the connection.

But I miss writing.

Although I haven’t actually stopped. I’ve been keeping some very intense journals since my bereavement. Really personal - deep and dark. Incredibly useful and I cannot imagine how I would have coped without them, But definitely not bloggable.

I think I mean that I miss writing on a given subject that someone, other than me might read.

And so, here I am.

In a new space, with a new name. I’m not sure what will emerge here. I still like the same sort of things as I always did. The same, but different, I guess. Let’s see what happens.